There is a prevailing mindset among us Filipinos that seriously bothers me. It has almost become a national mentality, something that is close to seeping into the very depths of our culture. The mindset that she, the Filipina who marries a foreigner,(especially one of the Caucasian kind) is blessed by high heavens. The concept that a Pinay who ends up marrying a foreigner is very lucky. The mentality that marriage to an “Amerikano” is a sure ticket, not only for her but for her family to escape poverty and on to an abundant life. I have heard this kind of conversation ad nauseum:
High school batchmate 1: hey, have you hear about so and so?
Batchmate 2: Oo. is it true, she got married to a foreigner?
Batchmate 1: Yes, they have a baby now you know. So cute. Blue eyes.
Batchmate 2: Gosh, she’s so lucky. I wish I’ll end up with a foreigner too so I can go abroad and see snow
I cringe at the logic. But a lot of my close friends actually say this. Even those that are pretty well-off.
I don’t understand why a lot of people don’t see anything wrong with this kind of perception. For me, if there’s something that screams of colonial mentality this is way up on the list. It’s as if we are in collective agreement that anything foreign is better than anything Filipino. If it’s white and blue-eyed, it must be good. If it’s abroad, it’s better. A lot of women, especially in the province, see marrying a foreigner as the way to take their family out of poverty. I am not judging them. I know that to some extent it is true and they don’t see anything wrong with this. The concept of “anything, just to help my family” will always be there. But I dont’ think this is right and there should be some sort of national thrust to slowly erase this concept from our minds. This clearly shows our inferiority complex. And we wonder why a lot of Westerners look down on us. Why, we look down on ourselves. What can we expect from others. Of course I am not generalizing. A lot of Filipinas get married to foreigner husbands and they have a genuine lovestory to tell. But to purposely sign up on those demeaning websites, adveritsing yourself as a Filipina looking for a foreigner husband?! I’m sorry but that comes very close to selling yourself. And selling yourself short if you ask me.
And what about those foreigners? What’s their reason again for having a soft spot for Pinay wives? oh yes, because Filipina wives take care of them like a baby, submissive, malambing, gentle, talented in domestic things such as cooking and keeping the house clean. Well, if that’s not the most patronizing thing I’ve ever heard, I don’t know what it is. We should not even be so proud of this opinion about our women. Go hire yourselves a housekeeper or a maid, if you please.
And we wonder why a lot of of foreigners abuse our women and look at us with disrespect. If we continue with this mentality, we have given them permission to treat us that way.
While it is right that we must not judge, we should also realize that this mentality is one of the many reasons why we are not improving as a nation. We blame the government for every ill fortune that befalls us but we should also realize that our own individual attitudes, our involvement or apathy is a crucial factor to the reversal of our poor country’s fortune.